I miss my PaPa...

I want to tell the story of my PawPaw...You know you never know how much you will miss someone until they are gone and you don't have the opportuntity any more to actually tell them...I told my PawPaw plenty while he was alive how much I loved him...of course, I still wonder if it was enough and am I sure he knows how much I loved him? The PawPaw I speak of is my dad's dad...and although he was not my dad's biological dad...it didn't matter because PawPaw was my dad's "Daddy"....especially when it counted.

He was a tall wonderful man who treated my grandmother with so much respect and love...my grandmother was a tough woman (people say I'm alot like her, that's ok too..LOL). She was full of love and passion and lived her life full of both. She had actually passed away about 10 years before my PawPaw did. He worked at the Arco plant until he retired. We used to go swimming over there in the pool behind the plant, almost backed up to the San Jacinto River. There are probably not a lot of people that even know that pool is back there. It had a sand floor...it was so cool...it had a big ARCO symbol at the bottom of the deep end that used to TOTALLY creep me out...I don't know why? I took swimming lessons there when I was a kid. We had family reunions there, birthday parties. We even had my MawMaw and PawPaw's anniversary party there. I think that was their 45th anniversary....something like that.

I remember going to East Texas when I was little and PawPaw would take us frog gigging...I was so young I didn't know I was supposed to be scared. After one of the hunting excursions, I remember my sister and I were told to go to the back of the house and bury it...so we did...well while we were digging a hole to put it in, the frog flipped and my sister and I both ran like crazy, screaming it was still alive....I'm sure my PawPaw got a BIG laugh out of that...he was such a jokester...I'm not sure he didn't plan it...just to get a laugh...

After my grandmother died, PawPaw was so sad...it scared me...because I didn't want him to be sad, especially so sad that it killed him.

He was able to find a nice lady to spend some time with after my Grandmother died and as much as I loved my MawMaw, I was glad PawPaw didn't have to be alone...they spent the rest of his life together, laughing and hanging out. She stood by him when he got sick and I will always love her for that.

The last night before PawPaw died, I went and saw him at the hospital. It makes me so sad to think of him that way but he talked to me and told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too. I know I was only 1 of the few grandkids that took the opportunity to do that.

He was always so supportive of my career and my education, constantly encouraging me to get my degree. After I graduate from San Jac, he gave me $100 towards a new rifle, a 243 I had picked out. Unfortunately, I didn't have the money to pay the rest and was never able to buy it.

Last weekend, Jeff and I were leaving and had made it about an hour from home and he asked me if I had my stand bag...realizing I did not..I said well no...now I don't have any bullets...my bullets that I normally use for my other rifle were in my stand bag. When PawPaw passed away almost three years ago, he left me a 243 rifle (the one in the picture with the beautiful wood). I had never hunted with it before this weekend. I had taken and sighted it in and so there were bullets for it in my gun case that I had actually forgotten about because I always brought it with me (just in case). So I told Jeff I would just use PawPaw's gun and that I had been wanting to use it anyway...when we got in the stand I was hoping we would see a shooter...he came out early...so I took the shot and made it. As I took the shot, I asked my PawPaw to help guide my shot and even said...this is for you PawPaw....well sure enough, the deer dropped right there not another step...me and Jeff high-fived and I said "PawPaw, that was for you." I told Jeff that I really missed my PawPaw...it was all I could do to keep from crying...because of the never purchased 243, it makes his rifle so much more special to me....I know he was watching down from above and oh how much I wish he would have been there.

I miss him so much and I cry often of how much I miss him. I know he would be proud of me for going back to school. He was always so supportive and encouraged me.